Derek Hagen, CFA, CFP®, FBS®, CFT™
“Be curious, not judgmental.” -Ted Lasso (attributed to Walt Whitman)
Think about the last time you had a conversation with a friend, partner, or family member that left you frustrated. Maybe they said something that didn’t make sense to you. Maybe they made a decision you wouldn’t have made. Maybe they reacted in a way you didn’t expect.
It’s easy to jump to conclusions in moments like these. We assume we know why they did what they did. We assume our perspective is the right one. And sometimes, we shut down instead of staying open to understanding.
But what if, instead of judging or assuming, we got curious?
Curiosity is one of the most underrated tools for building stronger relationships, understanding others, and even making sense of unexpected life events. It helps us replace frustration with connection and misunderstanding with insight.
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What You Know vs. What You Don’t Know
The tricky thing about conversations—especially with people we care about—is that we already know what we know. We know how we see the world, our past experiences, and what makes sense to us. But we don’t know someone else’s internal world, their perspective, or the reasons behind their choices.
It’s like the Dalai Lama said: “When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”
Instead of assuming you already understand someone’s words or actions, try asking yourself:
- What don’t I know yet?
- What might they be experiencing that I haven’t considered?
- What if there’s a piece I’m missing?
Curiosity keeps us from making snap judgments and instead invites us to explore deeper. And that doesn’t just apply to conversations—it applies to life situations, too.
When something unexpected happens—whether it’s a job change, financial stress, or an unforeseen challenge—curiosity helps us see beyond the frustration. Instead of, “This isn’t how it was supposed to go,” curiosity allows us to ask, “What’s next?”
Follow Your Curiosity
I like to think of curiosity as a magnet—it naturally pulls us toward things we don’t yet understand. It’s the key to growth, learning, and stronger relationships.
Here’s how you can use curiosity in daily life:
- In Conversations – If someone says something that doesn’t make sense to you, instead of thinking, “That’s weird,” reframe it as, “I wonder why they think that.” Ask them to tell you more.
- With Your Partner or Kids – If they react in a way you don’t expect, instead of dismissing them, ask, “What’s going on for you right now?”
- When Life Surprises You – Instead of saying, “This shouldn’t have happened,” try asking, “What can I learn from this?”
Curiosity doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything. It doesn’t mean you have to like every outcome. But it does help you see things from a new perspective—one that can lead to deeper connections, better understanding, and even more peace of mind.
Another way to make curiosity a habit is to imagine putting on a “curiosity hat” before entering conversations or approaching unexpected situations. Just like a detective wears a hat to investigate a case, your curiosity hat reminds you to ask questions, explore possibilities, and stay open to learning.
The next time you’re faced with a confusing conversation or an unexpected challenge, pause. Instead of assuming, ask. Instead of shutting down, stay open.
Because curiosity isn’t just about learning new things—it’s about seeing people, relationships, and even life itself in a whole new way.
Want to Learn More?
Money Quotient trains financial professionals in the True Wealth process and helps them implement the concepts into their practices. The first step is to learn about the Fundamentals of True Wealth Planning.
This post originally appeared on Meaningful Money.