Derek Hagen, CFA, CFP®, FBS®, CFT™

“It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.”

-Yogi Berra

I used to think I was a great listener. When someone shared their story, I would stop them occasionally to ask for more background or clarification. I prided myself on my ability to bring them back to their original story after they answered my side questions—even if they’d forgotten where they left off.

But then I started meeting people like me.

When I tried to tell a story or make a point, they would keep interrupting, asking for details or chiming in with their thoughts. As the speaker, it didn’t feel like helpful engagement—it felt like constant derailment. I found myself repeatedly saying, “So anyway, as I was saying…”

That’s when it hit me: I wasn’t the great listener I thought I was. Sure, I remembered what people had been saying, but I wasn’t letting them fully express themselves.

The Listener’s Job

As my mentor Ted Klontz says, “The listener’s job is to help the speaker say what’s on their mind.” In a professional setting, our clients come to us with something they need to express, and our job is to help them articulate it.

Anything we do that interrupts or distracts from their point—whether intentional or not—becomes an obstacle. This includes obvious interruptions like changing the subject or giving unsolicited advice, but also things we think are helpful, like praising or sympathizing.

If the client has to say, “As I was saying…” it’s a sign that we’ve created a disruption.

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Roadblocks to Listening

Think of a client’s journey to expressing their point as a road. When we interrupt them, we create a roadblock. They can still get to their destination, but now they have to navigate around the obstacle we’ve placed in their path.

Psychologist Thomas Gordon, who coined the term “roadblock,” identified 12 common ways we unintentionally derail conversations:

• Directing
• Warning
• Advising
• Persuading
• Moralizing
• Judging
• Agreeing
• Shaming
• Analyzing
• Probing
• Reassuring
• Distracting

Some of these, like shaming, judging, or moralizing, are clearly unhelpful. But others, such as advising, agreeing, or reassuring, may seem counterintuitive. After all, aren’t those part of what we’re supposed to do?

Gordon’s roadblocks aren’t a blanket prohibition. There’s a time and place for most of them. His point is that when a client is articulating their story or sharing their thoughts, let them finish.

The listener’s job is to understand the client’s perspective and frame of reference. Once they’ve had their say, that’s when we can step in—whether to advise, analyze, or offer reassurance.

Good listening isn’t just about hearing the words—it’s about learning who the speaker is and understanding their perspective.

As advisors, we will inevitably share our expertise and advice—that’s why clients come to us. But true listening starts with getting out of the way. It’s about creating the space for clients to fully articulate their thoughts, uninterrupted.

When we let clients complete their journey to their point, we’re not just listening. We’re fostering trust, understanding, and connection—building the foundation for meaningful guidance.

Want to Learn More?

Money Quotient trains financial professionals in the True Wealth process and helps them implement the concepts into their practices. The first step is to learn about the Fundamentals of True Wealth Planning.

References and Influences

Klontz, Brad, Rick Kahler & Ted Klontz: Facilitating Financial Health

Miller, William: Listening Well

Miller, William & Stephen Rollnick: Motivational Interviewing

Newcomb, Sarah: Loaded

Pennebaker, James & Joshua Smyth: Opening Up by Writing It Down

Rosenberg, Marshall: Nonviolent Communication

Sofer, Oren Jay: Say What You Mean