Derek Hagen, CFA, CFP®, FBS®, CFT™

“It’s not a good idea to respond to what you think the words you believe you heard meant.”

-William Miller

In grade school, we used to play a game called Telephone. You remember the rules: one kid whispers a phrase to the next, and it travels around the circle. The final version is always hilariously distorted from the original. The larger the group, the greater the misinterpretation.

Now imagine the same thing happening—without the humor—in a client conversation.

Clients come in with thoughts they may never have said out loud before. What they say might not fully capture what they mean. What you hear might not be exactly what they said. And what you think they meant? That might be something else entirely.

That’s why reflective listening is so powerful.

Listening is More Than Hearing

When clients answer our questions—especially True Wealth-style questions—they’re often articulating their thoughts for the first time. Their meaning is translated into words… but those words may not land with perfect precision.

Then we, as advisors, must hear those words. That’s the part most people think of as listening. But often, it’s more like waiting for your turn to talk—especially if your mind is wandering or distracted. And even if you hear every word, your interpretation still introduces room for error.

Communication is a fragile chain of events. Even with the best intentions, meaning can get lost.

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Using Reflections to Clarify and Connect

Reflective listening helps close the gap. It’s one of the four OARS skills from Motivational Interviewing (Open questions, Affirmations, Reflections, and Summaries).

Reflections are statements of understanding. They’re a gentle way of checking in: “Here’s what I think you meant—is that right?”

Instead of responding based on assumptions, we offer a reasonable guess about the client’s meaning and let them clarify if needed. This opens the door for deeper understanding.

Think of your client’s words like an iceberg. The visible tip above the waterline is what they say. A simple reflection mirrors that part back—sometimes called “mirroring,” though you don’t need to repeat their exact words. It’s enough to paraphrase their idea to show you’re tracking.

But what lies below the surface is even more valuable: their emotions, motivations, assumptions, and ambivalence. Complex reflections go deeper. You might reflect:

• The emotion behind the words.
• The underlying motivation or belief.
• Where you think they were headed next.
• Both sides of their internal conflict.

These reflections help clients feel understood and often move the conversation forward in powerful ways.

The goal isn’t to guess perfectly—it’s to show you’re trying. If your reflection is off, your client will usually clarify, which still moves the conversation forward. They feel seen. They feel heard. And most importantly, they feel safe enough to keep exploring.

Reflections help clients sort through the noise in their heads and articulate what really matters. Over time, this leads to clearer vision, stronger values, and more meaningful planning.

Want to Learn More?

Money Quotient trains financial professionals in the True Wealth process and helps them implement the concepts into their practices. The first step is to learn about the Fundamentals of True Wealth Planning.

References and Influences

Klontz, Brad, Rick Kahler & Ted Klontz: Facilitating Financial Health

Miller, William: Listening Well

Miller, William & Stephen Rollnick: Motivational Interviewing

Newcomb, Sarah: Loaded

Pennebaker, James & Joshua Smyth: Opening Up by Writing It Down

Rosenberg, Marshall: Nonviolent Communication

Sofer, Oren Jay: Say What You Mean

Solin, Dan: Ask