Derek Hagen, CFA, CFP®, FBS®, CFT™
“Be curious, not judgmental.”
-Ted Lasso (attributed to Walt Whitman)
When we’re learning new conversation techniques—whether it’s reflective listening, Motivational Interviewing, Nonviolent Communication, or facilitating life planning discussions—we often recognize that it takes practice. It requires conscious effort, and sometimes even a cheat sheet to keep us on track.
This is a great way to develop new skills. However, many advisors experience a dilemma: How can I stay present in the conversation if I’m constantly thinking about what to say next?
The answer is simple: Lead with curiosity.
If you’re ever unsure whether to ask an open-ended question or offer a reflection, let curiosity guide you. If you’re genuinely curious about something your client said and you ask about it—even if it’s a closed-ended question—you’ve done the right thing. Curiosity leads.
What You Know vs. What You Don’t Know
It may seem obvious, but you already know what you know. While there’s value in sharing your expertise, there’s even greater value in learning what you don’t know – your client’s perspective. You don’t yet fully understand their motivations, experiences, or frame of reference.
As the Dalai Lama put it, “When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”
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Follow Your Curiosity
I like to think of empathy as tactical curiosity. When you make it your mission to understand where someone is coming from, curiosity becomes your greatest tool.
Try reframing your natural reactions. Instead of thinking:
• “That was a weird thing to say.”
• “That’s not the right way to do it.”
• “That doesn’t make sense.”
Ask yourself: “I wonder why they said that.”
Curiosity is like a magnet for things you don’t yet know. And you don’t have to agree with everything you discover. Maybe your client’s perspective differs from yours; that’s okay. Understanding their viewpoint still strengthens the relationship and allows for more meaningful conversations.
When speaking with clients, colleagues, or even other professionals, imagine yourself wearing a curiosity hat. When that hat is on, you’re an investigator, searching for insights and deeper understanding.
By leading with curiosity, you allow conversations to unfold naturally, helping clients feel truly heard and understood. At Money Quotient, we help advisors cultivate conversations where curiosity comes first—so clients can gain clarity, and advisors can provide even greater value.
Want to Learn More?
Money Quotient trains financial professionals in the True Wealth process and helps them implement the concepts into their practices. The first step is to learn about the Fundamentals of True Wealth Planning.
References and Influences
Ben-Shahar, Tal: Being Happy
Burkeman, Oliver: The Antidote
Dalai Lama & Howard Cutler: The Art of Happiness
Hanh, Thich Nhat: You Are Here
Miller, William: Listening Well
Sofer, Oren Jay: Say What You Mean
Solin, Dan: Ask