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“A single well-timed reflection can be more powerful than a dozen questions.”

-William Miller

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You don’t need to ask ‘Why?’ to understand a client. You just need to reflect what they meant.

If you’ve spent time studying communication or behavioral techniques, you may have heard the recommendation to avoid asking “Why?” Even the authors of Find Your Why acknowledge this paradox: the word “why” can backfire.

Why is that?

Because “Why did you do that?” rarely feels like curiosity. It feels like a challenge.

Most of us carry implicit associations with being scolded by a parent, teacher, or manager. “Why” has become a loaded word, and clients may feel put on the spot, forced to justify rather than reflect.

That doesn’t mean we abandon our curiosity about motivation.

It just means we need a better route.

Want to watch instead?

What Reflective Listening Is in Financial Life Planning

To understand motivation, think of client communication like an iceberg.

What a client says out loud is just the tip. Under the surface is what they meant, what they’re feeling, and why they said it.

We want to engage with that deeper layer, but without diving in too quickly or clumsily.

That’s where reflective listening comes in.

Reflective listening helps us close the loop. It allows us to pause and reflect back what we think the client meant, offering an opportunity for confirmation, clarification, or correction.

At its simplest, you reflect back what they just said. This is a simple reflection: a safe and supportive first step.

But the real power comes from complex reflections. Whereas a simple reflection reflects back what was said (above the waterline), a complex reflection goes deeper, reflecting what wasn’t said.

A particularly powerful complex reflection is what’s called a “continuing the paragraph” reflection.

A “continuing the paragraph” reflection means listening so intently that you can finish their thought, not just repeat it. It’s to imagine the words they said were written on a piece of paper.

You add what the next part of the paragraph might be.

You’re not quoting. You’re inferring and inviting them to clarify or build on your reflection.

Even if you’re wrong, you’ve demonstrated empathy.

How to Understand Motivation Without Asking Why

Want to know the why? Try starting your reflection with “Because…”

This technique helps you tap into a client’s motivation without triggering defensiveness. You’re not interrogating them. You’re gently surfacing the deeper current underneath their words.

It sounds like:

Client: “I have to tell you… I didn’t get my homework done.”

You: “Because you’ve had a lot going on lately.”

When done well, this type of reflection makes clients feel more understood than they ever have.

Over time, you’ll notice you don’t have to say “because” anymore.

Client: “I have to tell you… I didn’t get my homework done.”

You: “You’ve had a lot going on lately.”

And even if you miss the mark, that’s okay; they’ll offer the correction, and you’ll still end up closer to the truth.

You don’t have to ask “Why?” to understand. You just have to care enough to try and listen well enough to refine.

FAQ: Reflective Listening and Motivation

Why should advisors avoid asking “Why?” in client conversations?

The word “why” often feels judgmental or interrogating, triggering defensiveness. Clients may feel they have to justify their actions rather than reflect on them.

What’s a better way to explore client motivation?

Reflective listening—especially complex reflections—helps clients feel understood while surfacing their underlying emotions and motivations without direct questioning.

What is a “continuing the paragraph” reflection?

It’s when an advisor listens so intently that they infer and reflect the next part of what a client might have said, showing empathy and understanding without quoting exactly.

How can I reflect motivation without asking “Why?”

Try starting your reflection with “Because…” (e.g., “Because you’ve had a lot going on”). Over time, you’ll naturally infer motivation without using the word at all.

Asking “Why? often puts clients on the defensive. But that doesn’t mean you can’t explore their motivations. This short video offers a better way… by reflecting what’s under the surface of their words.

Want to Learn More?

Money Quotient trains financial professionals in the True Wealth process and helps them implement the concepts into their practices. The first step is to learn about the Fundamentals of True Wealth Planning.

References and Influences

Klontz, Brad, Rick Kahler & Ted Klontz: Facilitating Financial Health

Miller, William: Listening Well

Miller, William & Stephen Rollnick: Motivational Interviewing