Derek Hagen, CFA, CFP®, FBS®, CFT™

“People create stories to make sense of their lives, to give themselves an identity, and a sense of coherence.”

-Dan McAdams

It’s not our job to fix the story. It’s to understand it.

The Same Event, Different Story: How Perspective Shapes Meaning

I’m in my truck with my sister, heading back to Fargo after helping her move to a small town about 30 minutes north. The drive started fine, but we’d heard the weather could change quickly.

Coming around a curve, we hit a patch of ice. We slid but regained control. As we rounded another curve, we saw a car in the ditch and slowed down even more. Then suddenly… traffic everywhere. Cars were spinning like pinballs.

I had already accepted that I was probably going to crash. I even tried steering into the ditch to avoid the chaos, but the ice was so slick that the steering wheel barely worked.

We were lucky. No accident, just pounding hearts and white knuckles. We took the next exit and crawled home through the city streets.

Later, I told everyone my version of the story: how we almost went into the ditch and how sure I was that we’d crash.

But when my sister told it, her story was different. She said, “We saw a car in the ditch, and Derek said, ‘I better turn on crash control and flip on all-wheel drive.’”

That was her version’s focal point, something I barely remembered saying or doing.

We had the same experience but told completely different stories.

Life As a Story: How Memory and Meaning Create Beliefs

That Fargo ice-road moment is just one small event, but it became part of our larger story almost immediately.

What counts as a “big” or “small” event differs for everyone. To one person, a slide on the ice might be traumatic; to another, it’s just another Saturday.

And if stories can diverge minutes after an event, imagine what happens when memory and meaning start to edit over years or decades.

Stories are like selective memory. We choose which moments matter and which fade away. Memory is an editing process. It’s not about what happened, but what mattered.

And that’s how our clients’ stories get written.

Understanding Money Scripts: How Childgood Expereinces Shape Beliefs

Over time, those meaningful moments become our internalized beliefs about how the world works… our scripts.

Money scripts are subconscious beliefs about money. They’re the rules we absorb and replay throughout our lives.

Examples include:

Talking about money leads to conflict
Money equals success
I’ll never have enough
Money should be saved, not spent
Rich people are selfish

These scripts often form in childhood through both direct lessons and quiet observation. Financial psychologists also describe financial flashpoints, emotionally intense money experiences that permanently shape how we think and feel.

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From Scripts to Stories: How Beliefs Become Financial Behavior

Eventually, those accumulated scripts blend into something bigger… a money story.

Our money story explains what money means, what it says about us, and how we use it. It’s how we create coherence between our beliefs and our behaviors.

I often imagine our money story as a caricature that follows us around, whispering advice about what we should do or how we should feel. We act on those whispers, sometimes without realizing it.

But because those stories are built on selective memories and interpretations, they aren’t always accurate. Still, we live by them.

Clients Are the Author: Advisors Don’t Fix Stories, They Help Rewrite Them

When money stories stop serving clients, they often internalize the problem:

“I’m bad with money.”
“I’ll never get ahead.”

But narrative therapy offers a critical shift. It reminds us that people aren’t their problems.

It helps us separate identity from behavior, self from story.

Once clients separate themselves from the problem, they can see it from a new perspective. They can re-author it.

This separation is empathy in practice. It’s not about fixing someone’s story. It’s about helping them see they have one and that they can change how they relate to it.

When clients feel understood, resistance drops and trust deepens.

And that’s where real progress begins.

Helping Clients Re-Author Their Story: Turning Awareness Into Change

Stories can always be revised. They can be seen from new angles, reframed, retold.

Our job as advisors isn’t to rewrite a client’s story. It’s to help them read it clearly enough to understand it for themselves.

When we help clients see their own story, we’re giving them back authorship. We’re helping them discover that they’re not a character in someone else’s narrative. They’re the author of their own.

When clients feel that shift, advice starts to make sense within their story rather than outside it.

That’s the point where financial advice stops being transactional and starts being transformational.

FAQ: Understanding Client Money Stories

What is a client money story?

A money story is the narrative clients create to make sense of their financial experiences. It connects memories, beliefs, and emotions to money behavior.

What are money scripts?

Money scripts are subconscious beliefs about money—like “I’ll never have enough” or “Rich people are selfish.” They often form in childhood and drive automatic behavior.

How do stories influence financial decisions?

Stories shape how clients interpret events and assign meaning. These interpretations affect how they save, spend, invest, and communicate about money.

Can advisors help clients change their money stories?

Advisors can’t rewrite a client’s story—but they can help clients see it clearly. Through empathy and reflection, clients can re-author how they relate to money.

Why is understanding more effective than fixing?

Fixing assumes the advisor knows best. Understanding empowers the client to explore their own story, reducing resistance and increasing engagement.

Want to Learn More?

Money Quotient trains financial professionals in the True Wealth process and helps them implement the concepts into their practices. The first step is to learn about the Fundamentals of True Wealth Planning.