Derek Hagen, CFA, CFP®, FBS®, CFT™

“Values are like fingerprints. Nobody’s are the same, but you leave them all over everything you do.”

-Elvis Presley

Value conflicts aren’t failures. They’re signs of a meaningful life.

Why Conflicting Values Happen More Often Than We Realize

As advisors, we help clients align their financial resources with what matters most. Values-based decision-making is one of the strongest tools we have for supporting a meaningful life.

But real life rarely presents clean, tidy choices. Values collide all the time.

A doctor wakes up planning to take a walk with his wife, valuing both nature and connection, only to receive a call from the hospital that a patient needs urgent care. Two important values immediately come into conflict.

A client thriving professionally is asked to travel and speak more often. They value their work and contribution, but they also value being present for their kids and aging parents.

Or consider a child navigating two households after a divorce. Each parent may live according to very different values. The child is pulled between them, trying to find their own voice in the middle.

A value conflict occurs when two meaningful priorities ask for different actions.

Conflicting values aren’t a sign that something is wrong with the client.

They’re a sign that the client cares deeply about more than one thing.

A circle labeled “values” with arrows showing decisions flowing through it, highlighting that values-based choices are hard in practice.

Values Act as a Compass, So Why Do They Still Create Ambivalence?

Personal values help clients define success, guide decisions, and build meaning. But they don’t exist in isolation. Most clients hold multiple meaningful values.

Two separate circles labeled “value,” illustrating that people often hold multiple distinct personal values.

Sometimes those values overlap, and tension follows.

That overlapping space, where values compete, is the birthplace of ambivalence.

Clients may know what matters to them, but they don’t know how to choose between values they hold dear.

Think about a client who values both art and family. Should they pursue a creative career or take over the family business?

Or someone who values both work and family. Should they stay late or go home?

Ambivalence isn’t failure.

It’s an honest reflection of the complexity of being human.

Venn diagram showing overlapping values to illustrate the concept of conflicting personal values and internal tension.

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What Happens When Meaningful Values Collide?

When values collide, clients often feel forced into an all-or-nothing choice. But prioritizing one value in the moment doesn’t mean abandoning another value entirely.

It simply means deciding which value carries the most weight right now.

Stick figure balancing between two competing values on a seesaw, symbolizing value trade-offs and difficult decisions.

Viktor Frankl described conflicting values as an illusion; one that dissolves when we consider priorities. He encouraged asking a simple but profound question:

Who can be replaced in this moment?

Frankl explained that on a given day he could spend time with his wife or with his patients. Both values mattered, but the priority shifted depending on the context.

If his wife was healthy, his duty to sick patients carried the highest priority.

If his wife were sick, his duty shifted because another doctor could step in, but only he could show up as her husband.

This is the heart of prioritization. It’s contextual.

It’s dynamic.

And it’s deeply personal.

Two values plotted on a priorities chart, illustrating that values may be shared but prioritized differently by individuals.

Why Priorities Resolve Value Conflicts Better Than Fixed Rankings

Value conflicts can only be resolved when clients operate from a parallel value structure, one with multiple meaningful values rather than a single pyramidal value where everything depends on one dominant principle.

Pie chart labeled “Value Diversification” showing multiple values as slices, highlighting the importance of spreading meaning sources.

But even with diversified values, priorities shift based on the situation. A value that feels central in one context may move to the background in another.

That’s why building a fixed ranking of values (“family is #1, work is #2…”) rarely works.

Values are situational, fluid, and responsive to real life.

Three columns show values shifting across situations A, B, and C—highlighting how context changes what matters.

The Advisor’s Role in Moments of Competing Values

Helping clients identify their values is only the beginning. The deeper work is helping them understand how those values interact and how to navigate the moments when values collide.

Value conflicts aren’t barriers. They’re invitations to clarify what this moment in life is asking for.

When clients learn to honor all their values while prioritizing the right one at the right time, they gain flexibility, confidence, and meaning.

And advisors become not just planners, but partners in navigating the choices that matter most.

Values don’t eliminate difficult choices; they inform them. When we help clients understand their values, recognize ambivalence, and prioritize in context, we’re equipping them to live lives that are both grounded and meaningful.

The goal isn’t to resolve value conflicts once and for all.

It’s to help clients make intentional, aligned decisions… One moment at a time.

FAQ: Navigating Competing Values in Financial Life Planning

What does it mean when values compete?

Competing values occur when two meaningful priorities—such as family and work—both matter but point toward different actions. Clients feel torn not from confusion, but because they care.

Why do clients feel ambivalent even when they know their values?

Ambivalence is normal. Values don’t exist in isolation, and meaningful values often overlap. This tension creates internal conflict even when clients are clear about what they care about.

How do priorities help resolve value conflicts?

Priorities allow clients to honor multiple values while choosing which one carries the most weight right now. Prioritization is contextual, flexible, and changes with life’s demands.

Do clients need a fixed ranking of values?

No. Values shift based on context. A fixed ranking like “family is always #1” ignores how life circumstances change. A flexible value hierarchy is more accurate and more helpful.

How can advisors help clients navigate competing values?

Advisors can help clients name their values, identify the source of tension, explore context, and decide which value to prioritize in the moment—without abandoning the others.

Want to Learn More?

Money Quotient trains financial professionals in the True Wealth process and helps them implement the concepts into their practices. The first step is to learn about the Fundamentals of True Wealth Planning.