Derek Hagen, CFA, CFP®, FBS®, CFT™

“We must learn to see ourselves not through the eyes of others, but from within.” -Tara Brach

Have you ever stopped to think about the stories you tell yourself—and where they come from? Therapist and author Lori Gottlieb offers this perspective: “Sometimes the stories others tell about us become the lens through which we see ourselves. It’s not until we question these stories that we begin to truly know who we are.”

These words struck a chord. So much of our identity is shaped not just by the stories we create but by the ones imposed on us by others. Many of these narratives become so ingrained that we carry them without realizing they might not reflect our authentic selves.

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Your Story

As children, we’re impressionable, constantly seeking to understand the world. During this time, adults, peers, and society shape us with their observations and expectations:

• “You’re so smart.”
• “You’ll never be good at math.”
• “You’re the responsible one.”

Why wouldn’t we believe them? We internalize these labels, building our identity around them. Over time, these stories can become self-fulfilling prophecies, influencing how we see ourselves and how we behave.

Some stories help us, but others act like a ball and chain, holding us back. These narratives, often told with good intentions, can limit our potential by tethering us to beliefs that aren’t true to who we are.

We build our identity from these stories, but only part of that identity aligns with our authentic self. The rest reflects what others told us we should be.

Rethinking Your Story

Here’s the opportunity: to reevaluate and reshape your identity. By recognizing that part of your identity stems from others’ stories, you can begin the process of unlearning those narratives and nurturing your true self.

The goal isn’t to discard everything. Some aspects of your identity are rooted in your authentic self. You don’t want to lose that.

Even more exciting? There’s a part of your authentic self that may have gone untapped—qualities and potential waiting to emerge.

To rethink your story, start by unlearning the parts of yourself that others told you to believe. Let those stories fade. Then, begin nurturing the parts of your authentic self that haven’t been fully realized.

Understanding yourself isn’t just about discovery—it’s about unlearning. By questioning the narratives others have imposed and focusing on your authentic self, you can redefine who you are and unlock untapped potential.

Who could you be if you let go of the stories that no longer serve you? Start unlearning today, and begin the journey back to yourself.

Want to Learn More?

Money Quotient trains financial professionals in the True Wealth process and helps them implement the concepts into their practices. The first step is to learn about the Fundamentals of True Wealth Planning.

This post originally appeared on Meaningful Money.